2019 Reflection

So 2019 is coming to it’s inevitable end and honestly I’m not sure how to feel about that. I had intended to write a poem. But with everything that has happened this year both personally and in the world at large I’m not really sure where to start.


Whew, glad I got that out of my system. In truth 2019 has been a really stressful year, I got a promotion at work which has been a lot more work then I thought it would be. The political situation has only gotten more crazy and polarized. And a lot of the fandoms I’m apart of have started to become polarized as well. I’ve even had to leave some of those communities for the sake of my mental health.

But the end of one opportunity is the start of another. So I’m trying to look at this as an opportunity to have more time to play other video games and work on other projects like my writing.

And as long as we’re on the topic of projects I’ll be carrying over some of my projects to 2020. I’ve been working on another book called Lost Sun and that’s been coming along nicely. I hope to have that done by this time next year–but one never knows how long a writing project is going to take.

I’ve also been working on my own table top rpg and I’ve been really excited about that. Though that’s been a little harder then I thought it would be. But I’ve been determined to get that up and running.

And last but not lest my “Worlds” Project that I’m going to be posting more of here. That’s something that I’ve been looking forward to working on. But I’ve been having a bit of a hard time coming up with good idea’s for it. I hope to tell you more about this particular project in 2020 once I’ve gotten the details hammered down.

On a more personal note I’ve been having a lot of fun with Table Top RPGs this year and I’m finally starting to read more as well. So I hope that next year brings more fun personal changes as well. I keep thinking that I might actually be able to get to my video game back log as well. But who knows how 2020 is going to play out. Not me that’s for sure.

See everyone in 2020.

Blog Journal, Twas the Blog Before Christmas

Hello everyone, the end of the year has started to turn into a haze and it’s honestly been more then a little overwhelming. I’ve really fallen behind on getting these blog journals done and that’s put a lot of pressure on me which makes me not want to work on the blog journals. Oh the joys of life.

Anyways, I did manage to still get a lot done this year. All the writing experiments and the poems. And even starting to write blog journals as well. A lot of projects fell by the wayside as I lost motivation to work on them. But even from those I’ve learned a lot about how to best work on projects and stay motivated to accomplish them.

As some of you may have seen I’ve started working on a new project here. I intend to work on this more next year and I hope you will take the time to read them as they come out.

I also started another book, a story I’m calling Lost Sun. My last book didn’t get published so it’s really just sitting on a shelf somewhere–but that’s okay–I’ve been really excited working on Lost Sun. As of yet I have not released any sort of excerpts from my book here on this blog, and I’m not sure I will. But I do intend to keep sharing my progress with you as I keep working on it. Currently I’m working on chapter 8 and considering I just started working on this book in late fall that’s quite a bit of progress.

I have written so many poems this year…honestly I’m surprised at myself. Over 130 poems were posted on my blog this year. That’s amazing that I could write that many.

I also have 180 blog followers, 1 email follower, and 60 social media followers for a total of 241 followers. In the grand scheme of things that’s nothing, I know that. But I’m so proud that I could have gotten even that many. And I am thankful to all of you for reading this one crazy persons writing on the internet.

I’m going to take things a little easier these last few days of 2019, the last few day’s of the decade. But I do intend to have a reflection of some kind up before the year ends, so look forward to that.

Let us all meet again in the new decade.


You never thought much,
About how you think,
You don’t really know,
Who you are,
So it’s hard to say,
If you understand,
Why you hurt them.

So when you deny,
That you did anything wrong,
And I roll my eyes,
The truth is simple.
You never thought this through.

And so you’re left to wonder,
Why everyone is looking at you,
Like the soulless monster,
You’ve become.

You say you want understanding,
But look in the mirror,
The only person who doesn’t understand,
Is you.

The Castle and the Lab

The world shook, and she was forced awake as she fell from her oversized bed. Her pet twin tail was already awake and looking around with panicked scared eyes. Its blue and white fur stood on end and its cat-like ears laid flat on his head. It’s two long tails stuck straight up in the air.  

She was still half asleep and couldn’t even focus enough to wonder what was going on. She grabbed at her bed in a blind panic, trying to climb back up as though the bed could protect her. She tried to call for help, but no sound came out of her mouth. Her pet twin tail jumped into her lap and opened its mouth as though it were hissing. But the sound didn’t form.  

Cracks started to appear along the wall and her books and toys started to fly off the shelves. But the chaotic destruction was completely soundless.  

The door to her room flew open and her dad rushed in. He seemed to be trying to shout something at her but she couldn’t hear what it was. And then she noticed—her dad was slowly falling apart. Bit by bit he was turning to dust. He probably would have fallen to the ground already if it wasn’t for his staff.  

The beautifully carved redwood staff with a metal ring stuck to the top. It was her dad’s magic staff. She had tried to borrow it a few times. But he had caught her every time. The staff only kept him upright for a few short moments before the combination of the shaking room and his disintegrating body caused him to fall helplessly on the floor near his daughter.  

Despite everything, he smiled at his child reassuringly. And placed his staff gently in her hands. When the staff left his hands, his body started to fall apart even faster. He said something—but she still couldn’t hear, and then he touched her face one last time before turning to dust.  

Then the cracks in the wall started to form fissures. The room was splitting in half somehow, and the side she was on drifted away from the rest of her home. She could see the rest of the castle she had lived in all her life slowly crumbling to dust. Even the ground underneath it seemed to begin crumbling away to nothing….  

She opened her eyes. The same dream, she had dreamed about it every night since it had happened. Her dad’s staff was laying on the bed next to her. She was still in her room, but it was split in half with the open side facing out into the world. When she woke up half of her family home, half of the castle she had grown up in, was gone.  

Her families castle had been built into and through a mountain that sat on a sort of peninsula that extended out into the ocean—or had anyways. The other side of the mountain was a wild forested area that was filled with wild Cryptix, dangerous monsters with a strong connection to magic. Of course, her pet twin tail—or rather her familiar—was a Cryptix as well. That was important for some reason…. 

She had wandered around the half of the castle that was still intact. But she was the only person there. All the servants, and staff, and the advisors were all gone. The empty castle felt lonely even though there was only half as much castle. Luckily the kitchen was on the side of the castle that survived, unfortunately, the generator had been on the other side. All the refrigerated food had gone bad within a few days. Or at least she thought it had been a few days, she had been stuck in a daze and couldn’t even tell how many days it had been.  

She looked over at her staff that she had been clenching since her dad had given it to her. The staff was the sign of her dads’ power, the power of the Philosopher King. Whoever rightfully held the staff ruled the lands of Lomus.  

 So that means what exactly? she thought as she squinted at the staff. She hadn’t been able to think clearly since the castle had been torn in half. And then all at once, her dad’s words came rushing back to her. She clenched the staff and jumped to her feet panicking like someone who had overslept. 

Of course, with my dad gone that means I’m the Queen now. And dad always said a ruler never lazes around when there’s work to be done.  

“Dual, we’re going,” the twin tail was lazing around on her bed with the same distant look that she had just moments before.  

“Meow?” it asked confused. 

“I’m the Queen now, and you’re my familiar, we can’t just sit around all day.” 

Suddenly the fog cleared from the monster’s eyes and it jumped onto its four feet. “Meow!” It seemed to understand.  

“Come, let us go survey the damage to the kingdom.”  

She ran out of her bisected room and down the stairs to the lower floors. And then she stopped for a moment and realized that she was still wearing her pajamas—no queen could be seen walking around in her PJs.  

She ran back up the stairs as quickly as she could and back into her room looking for something appropriately royal to wear. After a few moments, she settled on a black and red robe and a pair of red pants. Her dad always seemed to have his royal robe on even when sleeping. She figured she probably wouldn’t go that far. She even put Duel’s collar on. It had a lovely golden crown ornament hanging off of the black studded leather.  

Once dressed she dashed down the stairs once more and onto the castle’s main floor. Her faithful familiar followed her, easily keeping up. The dark castle made it hard to see, the generator was gone and so none of the lights were on. They had converted from simple torches hundreds of years before. But her ancestors had wanted to keep the medieval aesthetic, so they hid the electronic lights along the edges of the ceiling.  

But she had her dad’s staff, and that gave her the power to solve a lot of problems. She focused her energy into the staff and tapped the ring at the top. The staff lit up like a flashlight, casting shadows that danced along the floor and walls of the castle.  


“I’m the Queen now Dual; I have to find out what happened to my kingdom.”  

What she had seen when the castle split in half made no sense. She had to figure out what had happened. Her dad had tried to tell her something before—before—before. But she couldn’t hear him—or couldn’t remember. She wasn’t sure…. 

It’s my responsibility now, I’m in charge. So, I have to do everything I can to fix it, she thought.  

She had an idea of where to start. Before—the thing happened. Her dad had been spending a lot of time in the magic lab hidden under the castle. She hadn’t been allowed in that lab, though her dad never told her why. She figured the lab was the first place to check—it had nothing to do with the fact that there wasn’t anybody to stop her and she was curious.  

She walked down the hallway by the light of her staff. And came to the heavy wooden doorway with the sign that read “forbidden, authorized personal only.” The door was made out of a special kind of wood called dusk wood that was supposed to keep magical energies from passing through. She understood that she was actually really knowledgeable about magic. Her tutors were always impressed with how quickly she picked up new information—especially since magic was not an intuitive subject.  

“Alright Dual, we’ll have to be careful once we go here. You’re not going to be able to teleport in there.”  

“Meow?” Dual looked at the door confused. And then he disappeared with a flash of light and a strange vibrating sound. Then there was a loud bang as Dual reappeared comically pressed up against the dusk wood door.  

“Why do you do these things?” she asked her familiar after it had peeled its self-off the door. She shook her head and pushed the heavy door open, she had to lean into the door with her whole body to get it to open since she wasn’t strong enough to open it like she would an ordinary door.  

The door opened onto a long stairway that extended down into the depths of the castle. She had spent a lot of time coming up with ways to sneak down there in the middle of the night. But she had never been able to pull it off. She shook loose the thoughts in her head; it didn’t matter at that point. She was going to see what was in the lab very soon anyway, no point in getting lost in her past shenanigans.  

She started walking down the stairs. She was expecting dust and spider webs littering the stairwell like a haunted house. But the stairs were almost too clean, sterile, it was part of a lab after all.  

When she reached the bottom, she gasped, the castle had split perfectly in half, exactly halfway through the lab. Tables were cut in half, teetering on the edge. Beakers and other lab tools that sat at the edge were also cut in an unnaturally perfect way. The lab opened up into a cave system of some sort. The strange circular pattern of the caves made it look like something had tunneled out of the lab and deep into the earth.  

Human-sized glass cylinders ran along the left side of the room, specimens floated in some sort of green fluid in each of the cylinders–different types of Cryptix. A strange black and green bird with a long tail, a crow with a unicorn horn, a rodent with pine needles sticking out of it’s back, a tiny lizard with pixie wings. All with their eyes closed and unmoving save for the bob and sway of the liquid. 

“Let’s see,” she said looking at all the different monsters. “That one’s a pixdragonia, that’s a cronacorn, and that’s a pinmartin. But what’s this one?” She couldn’t figure out what species the weird black and green bird was. She looked to her familiar for guidance–but he was trying to bat at the pixdragonia through the glass as it flouted around in the strange green liquid. She sighed and went back to examining the lab. 

There were scalpels for cutting things, and syringes for injecting things. Thermometers, beakers, goggles, forceps, and crystals scattered here and there. 

It’s a Cryptix lab, she thought with some surprise. I thought there would be some big cool magic thing down here. 

There was one odd thing she couldn’t figure out right away. In the middle of the room there was another glass cylinder, but that one had been bisected with the rest of the room. And there was no sign of the Cryptix that had been in there. She found it strange that all the other monsters had been in tubes along the side of the wall, but there had apparently been just one at what would have been the exact center of the room. 

A little disappointed that she hadn’t found a cool magic weapon she sat down on a chair to think. There were no notes or books of any kind in the lab that might help her figure out what they had been doing. Her dad was a meticulous note-taker, so that was odd. But his notes could have been on the other side of the lab when ‘it’ happened. Some of the crystals might have been knowledge crystals, but she doubted any Elementalist or wizard worth their salt would just leave knowledge crystals laying around. She searched her brain for one of her dad’s lectures. He knew everything about magic, so there had to be some reason. 

“Magic is divided into three categories,” she said mimicking her dad’s stern lecture voice. “Magic from above, drawn from the stars is called elementalism. Magic from below, drawn from the Aeon sea, is called wild magic, and magic drawn from Cryptix is called Auramancy.” She giggled, amused at how accurate her mimicry was. 

“Oh,” she said in her own voice. “So then if this is a magic lab with Cryptix in it, then they must have been studying Auramancy.” 

“That’s right,” she said in her dad’s voice again. “Auramancy is the weakest form of magic, however, Cryptix are plentiful so it’s the most common type of magic.” 

Magic users all had different gifts. When she first started using magic, Dual had appeared seemingly out of nowhere to help her cast her spells. She remembered that her dad had frowned since that meant she was an Auramancer, and he didn’t seem to like the art. He didn’t even have a familiar of his own. Of course, she was the daughter of the Philosopher King, so just a few weeks after Dual appeared she also learned elementalism.

“People who can use two kinds of magic get special titles. Since you can use both Auramancy and Elementalism what does that make you Sylvy,” she said in her dad’s voice. 

“Ouhh, ouhh,” she said waving her hand in the air as though there was actually someone else he could pick on. “Someone who uses both elementalism and Auramancy is called a wizard.” She really liked the title even if her dad seemed disappointed about it sometimes. 

In her mind, she was now sitting in a classroom with her dad drawing complex diagrams on the chalkboard. It was halfway between memory and something she was imagining. She wasn’t sure if her dad had ever given her a lecture exactly like that one. But it didn’t seem to matter. 

“Exactly, and someone like me who can use both elementalism and wild magic is called a…” 

“A thhuu–a thhuu–thhuutmaterg,” she said struggling over the complicated word. 

“A Thaumaturge, you had the right word in your head so I’ll count it as a right answer.” Her dad said with a wink. 

“Now someone who can use all three kinds of magic is called an Archmage, but there hasn’t been someone like that since the first Philosopher King way back at the founding of our kingdom…” 

“Dad you missed one,” she said interrupting him mid-lecture. But her dad just looked at her confused. 

“What’s the special title someone gets if they can use both wild magic and Auramancy?”

“Oh–someone like that hasn’t existed in thousands of years. But it is said that the shamans of old could use both Auramancy and Wild Magic.” 

She opened her eyes, trying to clear away the rest of the strange fantasy from her mind. She had everything she needed. The strange secret lab was an Auramancy lab. They were researching the innate magical powers of Cryptix. Her dad had taken a special interest in that project, which seemed odd to her. He didn’t seem to like Auramancy that much. Why would he be so interested in Cryptix research? 

Then again, she thought. Maybe they weren’t researching Auramancy. She had a lot of different magic tutors, but all of them agreed that Auramancy can’t be forced, the power of a Cryptix can only be drawn upon when the monster consents. 

She starred at the monsters suspended helplessly in the cylinders for a few moments. Is there a kind of magic that can draw power from monsters forcefully. If there is that would be horrible. Her teachers had always said that humans and monsters needed to work together. Well except for her dad–what had he said? She couldn’t remember for some reason. 

But–for some reason, she didn’t really understand, it didn’t seem right to keep those Cryptix sealed in those class cylinders. So she walked over to the release valves, and one by one began to open them. The valves hissed and protested as the liquid started to drain out….    

Sunshine Blogger Award

Hello everyone, we interrupt your regularly scheduled blog posts to bring you this special announcement. I’ve been nominated for a Sunshine Blogger Award by Ishaan from Ishaan’s Blog. I very much appreciate your thoughtfulness as I have never been considered for these kinds of things before. Again, thank you for thinking of me.
Ishaan is a writer of both fiction and poetry who has an immersive and vivid writing style.

Unfortunately due to time and personal constraints I have decided not to participate. As some of you know I have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder). The Sunshine Blogger Award is about spreading happiness and motivation, but the thought of participating in this kind of event makes me anything but happy and motivated. These things just tend to exhaust me, I know for some of you that doesn’t make any kind of sense. All I would have to do is answer some questions and nominate eleven other people. But for me, right now, that would be like climbing mount Everest. People and interactions, even through the internet make me nervous and tiered most of the time.

This is a hobby blog, and for me to keep motivated I need to make sure everything I do on here is fun and interesting for me. And the thought of having to respond to this nomination has been nerve wracking, not fun. I hope none of you are offended, this kind of an award is important, and should not be overlooked. I just can’t do it right now.

If you want to learn more about what the Sunshine Blogger award is about check it out here. And you should defiantly check Ishaan who nominated me.
Thank you so much, I’m sorry I couldn’t participate.